We've all encountered people who just appear to create conflict with everyone they encounter. But do they always mean to create conflict, or are they unaware of how their behavior is perceived by others?
There are several types of conflict that we can encounter every day. When it comes to work (this is where I notice the most conflict in my daily life), I categorize conflict into four different categories:
Task - What is the actual objective we are trying to achieve?
Process - How do we go about achieving the task at hand?
Leadership - Who is in charge of this project?
Personality - Some personality types just don't blend well with others.
In many cases, these 4 categories can feed into one another. For example, personality and process can create a feedback loop if not handled properly. If one person likes to approach problems analytically and another works through trial and error, both can easily get frustrated by the other. Then once they begin to feel offended by the other's approach, communication breakdowns happen and we eventually dissolve into conflict. The longer this goes unrecognized or untreated, the worse the rift becomes until eventually one person leaves the project entirely, or the whole thing gets scrapped since it was behind schedule and over budget at this point anyway.
Often times, conflict is caused simply by the points of view of different people. They may be trying to achieve the same end-goal, but because of their experience, or what their contribution to the project needs to be for their part of the business, there must be a different approach than someone in another department.
I had the privilege of working on a fairly major project at work about a year ago, and there were multiple departments all trying to gain their own benefit from the start. My department was attempting to create a single page for our sales team to view relevant information for our accounts. Another department wanted analytics so the executive team could have better reporting. Yet another department knew that there were limitations in the software that would need to be worked around before anyone could see any meaningful progress.
Though the initial project was defined, there was no specified person to lead the project, and the other departments began to insert all their own objectives which only served to muddy the water until we were at a stalemate in the project. I ultimately had to pull in an executive sponsor who would decide who was in charge (it ended up being me) and I was then able to more clearly define what we needed and build and set a timeline for release.
Between these miscommunications, power struggles, jockeying for our own issues, or simply a resistance to change, conflict happens all the time. What is most important is what we do with that conflict.
Since miscommunication is likely at the root of many conflicts, it is crucial that we slow down and take the time to understand the other person's point of view. One of my favorite suggestions in this area is after one person makes a statement, the person on the other side of the issue is to paraphrase the first person's position to the liking of the first person before they are allowed to say anything having to do with their position. This is much harder than it sounds, but when followed, the tension in disagreement tends to resolve itself.
It's easy to find common ground when you take the time to understand where the other person is coming from.
What if the other person simply refuses to participate to find resolution?
This is a difficult question, especially when the person who doesn't want to find resolution is in an authority position.
If the non-willing party is not in a position of authority, finding a way to back out of the situation or remove them from being involved could be the best option. Some people are just like grease fires. The more you try to calm them down, the more agitated they become. To be clear, it NEVER works to simply tell someone "calm down." We've got to apply a little more tact than that.
If the non-willing party is in authority, I've found that the best thing to do is ask as many clarifying questions as I can get away with. I may know without a doubt that they are wrong, and by asking questions I can have them draw that conclusion as well. However, I've "known" someone was wrong before, only to find out through good questioning that I was the one misunderstanding the situation. When you demonstrate that you are on the same team and that you're trying to achieve the same goals, though tension may still exist, you can often find a way to make things work in the end. No, it's not always going to go the way you want it, and you may end up taking more time that you hoped to in the first place, but is the task worth halting, or worse, your job worth risking over your ego?
Conflict Resolution
Not all conflicts are created equal, but generally speaking, here are a few ways to prevent many conflicts.
Active Listening. Miscommunication happens when we prepared our responses before actually hearing what the other person is saying. If you listen to understand and ask clarifying questions along the way, the other person will feel more respected, and be more open to suggestions that you have when you've demonstrated that you've actually heard them when they were presenting their case.
Allow all Options to be Heard. Time permitting, it's good to hear as many different alternatives as possible before deciding on the best path forward. The people involved are there for a reason, and their experience and expertise should be taken into consideration so that you find the best path forward. You might find that what you had in mind is not as good as you thought.
Understand the End-Goal. If you take every project at face value without understanding the desired outcome it will be easy to get off-track, or go in the wrong direction from the beginning. By having all team members aligned on the goal at the end of the project, it will allow all members to make a meaningful contribution and achieve the goal on time (and within budget).
Communicate clearly and often. Lack of communication can lead to mistrust. If we withhold information from our teams, or assume that everyone is aware of the problem that you've encountered, it will almost certainly lead to conflict. When a problem arises, it's important to let the rest of the team know. This will allow them the opportunity to help resolve the problem with you, or at least give them the awareness that a delay may present itself as a result. Asking questions or stating facts so the rest of the team remains on the same page is crucial.
Create win-win scenarios. Believe it or not, it is possible for everyone to achieve their desired outcomes. When designing the project, when everyone is allowed to add their needs it can allow the rest of the team to put that in scope for the project. When all the key players know that the project will solve a problem they've been having you will be much more likely to get their buy-in, and everyone will work that much harder to completing the project on time.
There are many more types of conflict that can arise, of course. Like I said, not all conflicts are created equally. But by following these guidelines you may discover that conflict management becomes much easier. This will help to grow your network, expand your influence, and get you invited to many more projects along your journey.
Comments